This is a wonderful story that Kelly shared with me. Beautiful example of her gift in writing.. and her raw honest feelings on her journey to uncovering and accepting her Gifts.Sacred Gifts – A Year in Review
This time last year I was invited by a co-worker to a Sacred Gifts workshop and, somewhat reluctantly, accepted the invite. Frankly I was tired of other people’s spiritual programs and the suggestion that, perhaps, I needed one too. Too often I feel the pressure to twist myself into the teachings they offered when all I really wanted was to know what God wants me to do and how to be happy doing it.
From the beginning, I watched and listened, all the while comparing myself with others, worrying what my co-workers would think of me and envying those who seemed to already know that they were in the right place. I admired those who walked up to me, shook my hand and pronounced their intentions and goals. Meanwhile, I participated with others in the room secretly hoping that if I shared a deep or vunerable moment they wouldn’t hold it against me.
Bit by bit however, I found myself nodding and resonating with the descriptions of the gifts. I found that Monique wasn’t telling me who I was or claiming any spiritual authority, she was simply creating a space to explore each gift one-by-one. I could see, from the rows of heads bobbing, that the other people in the room were feeling this way too.
By the end of day one I had accepted that I needed to relax, wait and finish the process we had began. I had begun to trust that Monique was going to lead us all to our answers and I would simply have to wait for the “assignment” of my gift. I was tired but my reluctance had eroded and was replaced by a feeling of hope.
Day two the world was different. I was going to know for sure. The second guesses where floating around in my head. My coworkers predicted Writing (which I secretly hoped for) and I predicted Service (which I kind of dreaded). I had no clue. Which gift would be mine? More patience, more process and then finally my gift was revealed. Wisdom. I have the gift of Wisdom? Really? That wasn’t on my list of top picks. Me? Wise?
But it made sense. All my life I’ve been an accidental counselor. People come to me when they are really confused about big issues in their life sometimes reconnecting with me after years of no contact. They always say the same thing, “I know you won’t tell me what I want to hear but what I need to know.” But that manifestation of the gift often left me worried and overwhelmed by other’s problems and a bad habit of focusing on the negative. Many times I doubted if my counsel was helping or hurting others. How could this be a gift if it was so conflicted? I didn’t get it.In short order two other gifts tied for second place. Encouragement and Facilitation. Funny how they fit together isn’t it? Bits of my life came into focus and the faces of people I’ve helped flashed before me (a little life review as it were). Perhaps these gifts were true too. I was able to lift spirits, find solutions and teach others. But again there was this shadow side. Sometimes these gifts manifested in resentment of always having to be the cheerleader or exhausted by doing things for others that they should do for themselves. Shouldn’t these gifts just bring me bliss and joy? What’s the deal with that?
After the workshop I decided that I needed some more help from Monique to find the balance. After one session on the telephone it was obvious that I needed to answer a single life-changing question. Was I using my gifts as a channel for God’s work or to get people to like me? Ouch. A pin-pointed observation of my Achilles heel – the need to be liked. I had to learn that when I channel the gifts well I might have to be, not just loving, but perhaps a little tough if the need arises and risk disapproval. If I’m not open to exploring my need to be liked, things can get, well, interesting. I’ve learned a lot about my tendancy to do the right thing but for the wrong reasons and the need to fogive myself for doing so.
So I decided that 2011 was my year of understanding, forgiveness and going within. There’s a few more months to go but by applying the gifts of Wisdom, Encouragement and Facilitation I’ve been lead closer to true connections with others and developed a compassionate honesty for myself. It’s a very positive force and evolution in my spirtual and personald development. I can now trust that when they are called for, the Sacred Gifts will work through me for the benefit of others without negative repurcussions. That seems to be working for me.
I am happy to report that, since then, nothing in my external world has really changed. No life path revelations. No new job and Heaven knows, no extra money. What has changed is my inner world. Slowly and progressively I’ve built an unshakable understanding and confidence in myself. I’ve be able, for the first time in my life, to move forward and get unstuck. I’d tell you more but I want to keep things to myself for a just little while longer.
Warmest Regards
K .P.
